Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
