he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
