No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
