im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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