Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
