how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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