who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
