When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
