I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize