why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
