They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
