I think I am morally bankrupt
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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