i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
