Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I need to wash the frat house off of me
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
