I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
