based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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