Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
