I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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