she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I have grass duct taped all over my body
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
