I wish you could order shots online.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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