I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
