Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
