pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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