She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
