You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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