we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
