im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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