I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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