He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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