Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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