So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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