I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
