You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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