So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
