If i could tip my vagina, i would.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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