it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
