How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
