everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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