Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
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