u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
