1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
