i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
