It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
