I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
