I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
