I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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