I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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