Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
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