She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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