i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
