haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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