His hands were made for my vagina.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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