Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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