just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize