i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
