There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
