if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Screwed.edu
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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