Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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