it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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