Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Randomize
