Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
