after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My liver just had a heart attack.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
