toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
