I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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