She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
two words...techno handjob
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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