During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Still dying that you shit outside
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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