I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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