only you would photoshop your dick
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize